Whats up mother fuckers! I always wanted to address a room like that but I’m too polite. Maybe one day it will be how I open a book, or a stand up comedy show. Maybe, also if I was being truer to me, I would probably say whats up father fuckers, or maybe just fucking fuckers. I think the last one is my favourite.
Let’s start again.
Whats up fucking fuckers! Holy hal, what better way to usher in a new year then to write a new blog post for the 12 people in my audience. (HI) X (bakers dozen) = how the math for the distribution for this blog post will go.
So I was considering, maybe it’s time to write about something juicy. I never reveal truly intimate parts of working as an electrician, like what dating is like. I have done a lot of dating as an electrician, and instead of listing off the frogs I would just like to say, I hope I am done with dating and have finally kissed my prince. Wink wink nudge nudge, you know who you are. You’re so busted, I thought you said you didn’t like reading!!
Okay, so, in my dating journey, I got really into online dating. I tried out the theory that I should meet a new person a week until I meet ‘the right one’. I drank a lot of coffee, spent too much time in front of a screen, and did not find any keepers. Then I quit internerds because I found some terribly feckled frogs, and decided I would try to find someone in real life just doing what I normally like to do. So I took the dog to the dog park, and met a neighbor there named Nathan, a labourer, and after a while we set up a date.
At the time I worked for a crew that required 2 electricians to complete the jobs, and I was partnered with an old man whose name was also: Nathan. To be friendly during the drive to site, I shared my exciting date news with work Nathan. He was amused that I picked someone with his name, and started to tease me that I better not text him by accident because his wife would not like that. Agreed dude, eww I better not, good call. Then we pulled up to site and met the two traffic controllers, who introduced themselves also as: Nathan.
“You’re both named Nathan?” I asked.
“Actually, we’re both Nathan Crebes.” said one of the traffic controllers.
“…Both of your names are Nathan Crebes?!” I inquired, with furrowed brow. “And you work together at the same company doing the same job!? Are you related?”
“No, we are not related, but sometimes we get each other’s cheques.” said the other traffic controller.
It was suddenly an onslaught of the Nathans. I felt the world spin around me like I had jumped into the Nathanuniverse, or maybe I would wake up from the matrix dream soon. When I got home from work I called my friend Shannon to tell her about the Nathan situation, to see if she thought I was getting punked, and she then said,
“Actually I have another Nathan for you, an accountant.”
At this point it should have been clear the dating prospect god was punking me. Yet I went on the date with the dog park Nathan anyways, just to see. And see I did.
I get grown men opening up to me alot at work. They work with a female and their brains automatically go to opening up about their feelings, and to tute my own horn, I am a pretty good listener. I also ask the right questions to get someone talking. So I got the dog park Nathan talking, and soon he was crying. Actual tears were rolling down his cheeks before the food had hit the table at the restaurant. Emotional instability is a great way to crush someone’s hopes and dreams for a relationship. To be clear he wasn’t crying because I was bullying him, he was crying about being a loser in his previous relationship, about how he wanted her back, and about how he made way less money than me anyways, as a labourer. I took this as a sign that Nathans were just a no go.
Do all Nathans cry on dates? No. I have a couple old friends named Nathan, and although I seen both of them cry, I have also never wanted to date either of them. I always thought that was due to my no drugs policy, but at this current juncture it’s possible I was always in the Nathanuniverse and hadn’t realized it. But now I know, I can narrow down the dating search to not a Nathan. One day I might tell you about why Dans’ are out too, but that’s another story, from when I turned back to lonely online dating.
In closing, here is what I have learnt about dating as an electrician:
- Find someone that appreciates you. This note started off as; find someone that makes the same or more money as you, but really, money comes and goes and appreciation is the true test of worth. When someone has skills and know how to do something for you, and does it, it will not go unnoticed, because it will be an act of service just for you. To me this is one of those heart bursting values.
- Find someone that can keep up to you. I tried dating someone that didn’t have their license, and unless the chauffeur (me) did all the driving, he couldn’t run fast enough. This also applies to find someone that can mentally keep up to you. I have dated a few really, really depressed people, and although I tried to impress some positive mental thoughts and humour into the life, I got shot down alot, rug pulled right out, me falling down, no one picking me up but me. I get depressed at times too, and I fight like hell to get it off me, so I feel I deserve someone with a similar disposition.
- Do not settle for baked alaskan frogs. You keep trying to kiss those frogs until you find your prince dammit, and even if you get worts on your lips at least you will not be stuck with a person that does not appreciate you and cannot keep up with you. Thank you for reading. Have a great year!